Guy Questions {Part 2}

There's one topic that Ty wanted me to touch on that I didn't have time for in the first post, and also a question from another person, so I wanted to get to both of those today!
I hope you guys have at least been able to think through what your own personal views on these subjects are so that when it comes time for you to make decisions, you know what your values are.
A lot of people I know are super anti being friends with guys, which I am absolutely opposed to. Having guy friendships can be extremely difficult, but very rewarding and important at the same time. In fact, the first question I will be answering tackles this exact question :)

This first question comes from DJ-Wolf Addy who asks, "How do you make friends with boys/guys without making it look like you have a crush on them?" 
This can be really hard, because sometimes being kind/friendly can be mistaken for being flirtatious these days. Like I said before, having friendships with guys is important. For me, my older cousin who is two years older than me has told me "I'm here if you ever need to talk." He is super understanding and we have that common bond of Christ. I have heard his testimony, and therefore I have so much admiration and trust for Him, and it makes me feel so incredibly blessed to have someone like Him that will listen to me if I ever have any questions. This is different than most situations since I'm related to him and we have that common bond of Christ, and I am beyond blessed.
If you are blessed to have Christian relatives that are guys, try to pursue friendships with them. This is a good way to make guy friends.
Guys from your youth group/Church are also other good places to find guy friends. If you know their family/other sisters or brothers, this might be a great way to get to know them better.  If you go on any trips or serve in a children's ministry or something together, it might be a way that you can casually get to know someone better, and it won't look like you have a crush on them.

This has nothing to do with either of the questions, but I do want to go ahead and post this.
But my biggest piece of advice is that let friendships with guys come naturally. I haven't even tried to have friendships with guys, they have just come naturally. The sweetest things in life are honestly the things you didn't expect to come. I never would have guessed that I would know/have friendships with guys from both youth group and school, because they just came as a result of interacting with other people. I know it's not always that easy, but you shouldn't be trying super hard to force friendships with guys.

But here's the important thing to remember: friendships with girls are much more important than friendships with guys. As much as we can be friends with guys, there is a barrier point. Some things just shouldn't be talked about between guys and girls that are friends. Check out this post at Lies Young Woman Believe under "Knowing When to Zip It" and evaluate for yourself what the limit should be on your friendships with guys.

"Where is the is the middle ground between paranoid courting and entering an abusive relationship?"
You rarely hear stories about the middle, and it's so true. Just like Ty also said, most everyone I know is happily dating/engaged/married because of dating, but I also get what she's saying. Conservative Christian dating can have some of the same characteristics as courtship. Even though stuff in our communities do happen that we aren't aware of, fear shouldn't get gripped on us. I think that dating with boundaries and accountability is the way that my parents and many of the people I know have gone about their relationship, and it has led to godly marriages, and so I think I've seen more than a lot of people of the middle ground. I think that when dating relationships don't have boundaries is where we hear a lot of the stories because these individuals/our parents don't want us to follow in their footsteps.

Another thing that has been brought up by a lot of you is the struggle to be just friends with a guy. It's really hard, but depending on your age it can be even harder. If you are near the time where you are interested in dating, it can be SOO hard to not push things along. Things that I've thought about include the fact that if you are meant to be with a person forever, there's no need to rush it. The best things in life can't be rushed.

The fact of a guy pursuing a girl is something that isn't really treasured anymore. If a guy likes you so much to initiate something, that is something so much more precious than forcing something to happen. It's really hard, but keeping this in mind helps a little bit.
Focusing that time yearn to know the Lord in a closer way, just as you yearn to be more than friends is also a good thing to do, so that you can continue to become the person God wants you to be if you do pursue a relationship with someone (maybe not the person you have in mind exactly) in the future.


I hope this makes you think about some of the choices and values you have for yourself, and that you can evaluate for yourself what you are going to do in the future.
Praying, reading God's Word, and talking to older mentors from your Church are some of the wisest things to do to gain more insight in this area. It's definitely not as easy as I thought it would be when I was younger. Creating any friendship/relationship with someone takes a lot of time and commitment, but it's worth it in the long run, if that's what God wants for your life. As I've learned, it's not just butterflies and sunshine.
Like I said, I am continually learning more each day, but I have learned a lot so I hope some of this is helpful.

On Saturday, look for a post with some recent pictures from my spring break week!