lessons from my first relationship

"Why are you sad?"
"Because you speak to me in words and I look at you with feelings." 
-Leo Tolstoy

I will try to make this one of the only posts dedicated to my first relationship that ended about a month ago, but there are no guarantees. This entire experience in my life has brought me closer to Jesus and although there were a lot of things I would do differently if this situation were to come around again, I don't regret the things I learned.


1. Girls emotionally process things differently than guys, especially relationships 
As a girl, I made the mistake of making my first relationship the center of my world. In short, I do this not only with relationships but also with friendships. If you know me personally or have read my blog for like the past year, you know this is something I tend to do. It is something that I have learned my lesson from the second time around: that I literally cannot emotionally depend on people and make them an idol in my life. Not sure why it is something I continually struggle with, but I think God does it in order to always bring me closer to Him.
Emotionally I expressed myself a lot more clear than Gabe. He seemed to surpress his feelings and emotions when we broke up, and I went through a lot of tears. Just the difference in how we handle things emotionally was interesting to note. Also, it was kind of confusing, because I just put myself all out there emotionally which can cause me to get hurt a lot more easily. I have to learn to protect my heart from idolatry which causes emotional distress when I lose those types of connections with people.

2. Jesus has to be the center of my world and my confidence, then I can seek God together with another person 
I've realized a lot of things in the model of a relationship that is centered around Jesus that I lacked in my first relationship. I need to focus on myself and spiritually where I am right now before I can be in a relationship. Translation: I'm not getting into one anytime soon. 

3. Friendships are really hard to have after your breakup 
The reason for why you breakup can be a real defining point to whether or not a friendship will really work out...and how long you were together.
I was in this relationship for a fairly short amount of time but long enough to emotionally get attached. So in short, trying to be friends even after prom and stuff is pretty hard for me. One, I realized that he in no way is experiencing the same allure of Christ and His love on display for me. That emotionally causes a difference in my friendship with Gabe because of that. And furthermore, it's really hard to be friends with someone when you had such an emotional dependence on them that was unhealthy. It's just easy to go back to the same things you did before, and it's just something in my case that I need to continue to move away from in order to grow.
It doesn't mean I won't ask him how college in a couple of months when he is down in college. It doesn't mean I won't text him happy birthday on his birthday. But these will be rare occasions that are solely because of something we shared in the past that was important in defining who I am today. I've also never been the kind of person who completely cuts people off. To end on good terms, we end on friendship. And that does mean perhaps just asking them how their new life is going, even if it does hurt a little bit. Because ultimately, I did care about him a lot. I care about him now in terms of his salvation and just knowing Jesus.
But ultimately because of our history with feelings and emotional connections and because of our difference in beliefs now, being "friends" is something we are, but the communication we will have will be far and few between.

4. You'll remember your first kiss, but it's not that big of a deal
Yeah, I have a really great first kiss story and it's really cute. But obviously it's not with the guy I'm going to marry. It's fun to look back on because it was good. I cared about the guy I was with. But, even though a first kiss is a big deal, it really isn't. I'll remember it as a memory, but that's really all it is. It's a bit exaggerated and once you've experienced it, it's like a new experience you've accomplished. I don't really know how to explain it except that like yeah, it was a good first kiss but I mean, that's really all it is. It doesn't mean anything anymore except for sentimental reasons.

What was your experience in your first relationship if you had one?
What do you look forward to about a relationship? 

Clinging to Christ

Sometimes when your entire world comes crashing down around you, all you can do is cling to the promises of God and the fact that He pursues His children.

After prom, Gabe and I kind of considered flirting again and some flirting happened. This hurts to admit because it doesn't make any sense. God doesn't want me to continue to go back to Gabe only when I'm wanting the attention that he used to give me. Not only does it not make any sense literally because we broke up, but that hole and need for attention can only be filled by Jesus. People let us down, people can't make us happy. I realized in general I relied on other people for emotional happiness instead of in Jesus in my life the past semester, not just with the relationship I was in. I never completely replaced the relationship with Gabe when we initially broke up with the truth from God's word and the way he sees and loves me. So of course, my flesh would want to jump right back into the flirting we used to have. It didn't make any sense because one I knew I didn't really want Gabe back, just the attention, and that he is not as emotionally attached as I am, which means a fling over summer would've meant nothing to him, but would have hurt me again round two. 

Oh my friends, how faithful God is. My heart has never felt such joy in the midst of heartbreak. In the midst of emotions that miss some sort of form of Gabe, I have been able to find such tenderness at the feet of Jesus. And I missed that the past couple of months, when I set that aside for the relationship with Gabe. When someone doesn't love Jesus as much as you do and doesn't want Him to be the center of the relationship, something else has to be the center. Which meant: I couldn't have Jesus be the center of my life AND have a relationship that wasn't focused on Jesus as the center. 

The past week or so, I've really distanced myself from all of the friends I used to have an unreasonable emotional dependence on and the people I tried to process everything with first instead of with God. I have found so many beautiful mornings spending time in the presence of Jesus. It is amazing how God really pulls you closer to Him when you pray that He will do that. He really shows himself clear to you when you decide to make your faith your own, not just based on what other people around you are doing. 

Do I regret not having Jesus as the center of my first relationship? Absolutely. But at the same time, I don't regret the way it led me back to the cross. I don't regret the way it allowed me to see a God that relentlessly pursues. In the midst of an ache of my soul, He fills me up. And I wouldn't trade that for anything. 

How can loneliness be good?

How can the dreaded, L word, bring good in our lives? How can God use loneliness for His good? I'll tell you from experience:

God can use the aching of loneliness in our hearts to deepen our relationship with him.

Loneliness can come in so many different forms. I've felt my equal share of the lonely nights alone in my bed, with the covers pulled over my head, thinking about how lonely I was to not have anyone ask me to hang out at all that weekend. I've felt the hurt when nobody seemed to notice my absence, notice my presence or care about truly wanting to get to know me more. I've felt the ache of feeling like I don't have anyone that I can connect with or go to.

Recently, I haven't felt so lonely, because I've realized that proximity and activity don't always equal connectivity.

In other words...?

Just because you're busy doing things with people and "interacting" doesn't fill the ultimate hole of loneliness. I have to find a bigger solution to my problem of "loneliness".

It's Jesus.

It's so cliché. Over said. "Annoying to read."

What if we thought of loneliness less as a weakness, but as an opportunity to pursue and find Christ?

The more fully we invite God in, the less we will feel uninvited by others.

When we live from the abundant place from which we are loved, we won't find ourselves begging others for mere scraps of love.

Living loved comes from a quiet, daily surrender to the one who made YOU. It means focusing more on what the Holy Spirit is whispering to us, more than what the flesh is screaming at us.

We can find Christ and live loved in the slower rhythms of life by abiding, delighting and dwelling in His presence. How beautiful it is to slow down and take a minute in the midst of a fast paced world and realize we tie our identity to unchanging circumstances and find ourselves more reliant on God instead of our emotions.

Emotions such as; I feel so lonely.

I feel unloved. That I don't measure up to that girl.

We must start to think as loneliness as a gift. The conversations I have with the Lord in my loneliness always lead to me to more intimacy with Him and more compassion for others.

We must realize first that there is usually some element of protection wrapped in every rejection. In the midst of loneliness, there is often a purpose behind why God is doing it, and I must personally learn to trust him.

The best place to go during a time of loneliness?

God, I don't understand your goodness to me. I thank you for the protection that is a part of this rejection, even when I can't see it. I trust you.

Ultimately no person can fulfill the loneliness inside our hearts. Maybe you have a best friend or a boyfriend or both. But even when we do have these friendships in our lives, we can still feel lonely. It's a message that maybe our fulfillment can only come from something bigger.

From an identity that is tied to Christ and not unpredictable and ever-changing circumstances and people. And when we start to ask,

Is God still good to me?

We must answer:

He is still good. I must trust God to be God and trust that he orchestrates and sees and knows things I couldn't possibly know or understand right now.

And we must always fall back on his faithfulness and live a life loved.

did you like this post? check out Lysa Terkeurst's new book Uninvited, where I got the inspiration for this post!

love a lil more

what if we all decided to love a little more? regardless of what we will get in return?

Often times we try to make Christian community into heaven and we end up getting hurt because we don't seem to get what we need from a broken, earthly community.

When we give love and we seek community with Christ as the center, he will nourish us in our pursuit of community. Community cannot fill the hole of love and acceptance that only Christ can fill and community will hurt, but it is worth it.
There have been some incidents where new girls would start attending our church and my heart was not open to loving new people. I felt comfortable and happy with the girls I already had in my sphere. However, Jesus opened my eyes to the amazing friendships that were possible when I opened my heart to these girls and was willing to be vulnerable and grow closer to them. They have made me a better person and have taught me many valuable lessons about different things.

Not every girl is going to become your best friend, but if you have the common bond of Christ, you already have something mighty awesome in common. I have a girl who started attending our youth group about a year or so ago and yes we are friends, but our personalities are so different so we will never be close. Yet I am still called to give her the same amount of love as I give someone who I deeply desire to be around and love. So keep your heart open for the people that God wants you to open you heart to.

A little bit of love changes everything.

thoughts on homosexuality issues

Last week I spent a week at the Teen Leadership Conference in Clark Summit, Pennsylvania. One of the speakers touched on the issues of homosexuality and transgender issues from a biblical perspective, and I loved the way it was presented and the perspective brought.

First, let me state what I wholeheartedly believe is true about homosexuality.

It is clearly a sin and even though those who believe that homosexuality is no longer condemned because it is only mentioned in the old testament have not dug in deeper to what the Bible truly says about it.

1. Homosexuality must be thrown from our lives because it is sin.

Take for example Leviticus 20:13 which mentions the act of homosexuality and how those who commit that sin should be put to death.

Even though the punishments have changed and with the changes of no longer being under the law, it still shows the seriousness of the sin and supports the idea when it is mentioned in the new testament... in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

⁹ Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men ¹⁰ nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹ And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

There is no vagueness to what Paul under the inspiration of the spirit is calling a sin. Those who are homosexuals and are sexually immoral alike are sinners...and will not inherit the kingdom of God without a belief in Jesus Christ's death on the cross to forgive them of their sins. There is hope for those who are caught up in any sort of sin, not just homosexuality.

Sin may seem really appeasing, but that doesn't make it right according to God's standard. When we say things like "love wins", we are defining sin on human conditions and how we feel about something and not on the conditions of a perfect God.

2. We must remember our own sin and how apart from Christ, we are also completely lost in our sin and in darkness.

With Jesus, it is possible to have salvation when we believe in Him and we are given the gift of grace: justified in Christ. But we must repent of our sin and turn away from sins and lifestyles that are completely contrary to God's word. God designed marriage to be between a man and a woman, as seen in Genesis 2. Just as any other sin may seem appeasing and fun, and even though "love wins" may seem fun, homosexuality is a sin even if it doesn't "feel" like it.

3. We have to accept that it is possible to love the sinner and hate the sin.

Jesus portrays this very idea and tells the women in adultery to leave her life of sin because she has been forgiven. Jesus is not saying that her act of adultery was justified. Neither are we called to be the judge of the sins of others because we have sinned.

Read John 8:2-11 to get the whole story and idea of this passage.

4. We should proclaim the gospel and the victory found over sins through Christ

Some of those who are transgender or homosexual will say they are born that way and are created with certain genes that make them this way.

We are all born with bad genes and sin tendencies! They just differ depending on who we are!

For all sorts of sins, without any exceptions, Jesus gives us VICTORY.  He is able to way more than we can ever ask or imagine if we are trusting in His strength to defeat sin.

How can we look beyond just this idea of homosexuality and look to the sin tendencies that we also fall into without realizing it and throw them away?

encourage all the more

The day of Jesus' second return is definitely a coming.

How about instead of criticism and putting others down to make ourselves feel better (even if it is in our mind), we encourage?

In our friends, there are things that are good in them that make us appreciate them.

Sometimes there have been moments in my life where I've thought about complimenting someone, but  I held my tongue for whatever reason. Looking back I wish I would've just given the encouragement instead of holding it in. You never know what a word of encouragement can do to someone, even if you don't know them super well.

I feel like most of the time, you can't go wrong with a word of encouragement.

I love the way you are always so caring with those around you.

I always love your outfits: they are so cute.

I so appreciate you and the way you are such a good friend to me.

However, sometimes it's not so easy to see people through a positive light. Some people are genuinely not good people (we all aren't without Christ) but we have to remember that they need Jesus just as much as we do.

All we can do is ask Jesus to help us see them through HIS eyes.  

Today I encourage you along with myself to give out 5 words of encouragement to five different people in the next couple of days.

See how much it builds them up and makes you feel better about encouraging others!

And by the way, you can never go wrong with a hug or two!  

Hebrews 10:24-25 "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

this is who i am

 I am so incredibly selfish. I want things for myself. I want people to like me and want to gravitate towards me. I want people to look at me and say I wish I was her. A lot of times I care a lot more about myself than other people. I judge people as if I am somehow better than them and I often live my life in a way so that I can gain happiness in as many ways as possible.

I complain about so many things. I am sarcastic with my words and I often hurt people with my actions. I often don't look at my life situation with happiness and joy for all God has given me. I look at things in life and complain. I am sarcastic with people because it often gets more attention than being silent. Oh, how I struggle to just be quiet sometimes.  

 I want attention. I want to be felt loved by other people around me and I often let my emotions dictate my actions. When I feel a certain way about someone, I will let that cause me to give them the silent treatment or to use a sarcastic tone with them.  

But I am ever so slowly being formed and shaped by God into more of a selfless person. I don't die to myself. I love myself more than I want to follow God.  It's a daily fight to live a life glorifying to God because there are so many areas where it is easier to just give into our selfish instincts. I don't usually have a heart that wants to praise God every minute of my life. Sometimes I would rather stay in my self pity because it "feels" better.
 He, however, is our strength and portion. He is the only reason that I can fight my own pride.
When we look to Him instead of other people, instead of ourselves and instead of what we feel is right, then we will become wiser in Him.


Psalm 28:7: The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

i shall not want

How is it possible that I don't trust the God of the universe? The one who made the flowers, the sky and holds Jupiter in His hands? 

Why don't I trust that he is going to take care of me and that he has the friends in different seasons of my life for a reason?

Why don't I trust Him?

From the need to be understood,

from the need to be accepted and 

from the fear of being lonely.

Deliver me O God. 

if i'm honest

This is not an easy thing to write about, but it is the reason that I created this blog. There is a story behind the purpose and title of this blog along with the year 2016. I guess you could say that this topic is hard to understand, hard to identify and it is a hard thing to share with other people. 

I named this post if I'm honest, based off the song title of Francesca Battistelli If We're Honest. 

This song spoke deep into the corners of my heart when I was struggling with what I was watching and viewing on the internet. 

There are a lot of different types of sins that can occur in so many different places in our lives, but a lot of it can stem from our use of the internet. 

Would I consider it pornography? No, but I was definitely on the path towards it. 

Sin is sin no matter what you label it. It doesn't have to be labeled "drugs", "adultery" or "porn" for it to be sin.

Sin is sin. And it is painful.

1 Corinthians 10:23 "You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'--but not everything is good for you. You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'--but not everything is beneficial."  

Anything that is not good, pure, trustworthy or honorable, it should be tossed from our lives, and if a sin becomes a habit in our life that we struggle with, we should repent of it and turn away.

 Just because something isn't label-able doesn't mean it is what we should be doing. 

Romans 6:1-4 "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life." 

It was hard to be honest to people in my life about what I was struggling with, especially when this specific sin is a hard thing to explain without being too specific. Anyone that has been in my shoes (and I have had one person in my life that impacted me and God used her in my life to show me the way) knows that it can often be hard because we feel like we can't explain what we are struggling with. However, I know I am not the only one out there that has struggled with this, and I want to help others find victory as well. 

 It was hard to find complete freedom from my sin and comes to terms with the grace of God that would get me through the regrets and consequences I was experiencing from my choices that impacted my thinking. It was also a harder battle to come to the realization that it was NOT on my own that I could find victory over sin. It was through Christ. 

Hints the name of my blog: Victory~found through Christ.

This is the purpose of my blog: to share the news of Christ and the way that HE gives us victory to overcome anything or any sin that is consuming our life.

When we are in Christ, we now have a power within us that can allow us to break from that sin. 

2016 is my year of victory from the things of the internet that vie for my attention. 

If we are honest with those in our life, Christ can use that vulnerability and honesty to work in our lives and bring real life accountability. Every time we speak out against Satan, the less power he has over us. 

Even though there are often a lot of tears, being honest about what we are struggling with and allowing ourselves to share that with God and others so that we can held accountable to following God is the best choice. 

What do you need to be honest about with those in your life? 

in the midst

I look out my window and see the hustle and bustle of the city.

Society, culture, pressures, all a mind game.

I try to hide from the realities of this world.

But it is all so apparent. 

Everywhere I look, I see the stain of sin.

Lord, how much longer do you have us here?

How much longer will we have to see the corruption of this place?

This world is a reminder that our joy cannot come from our circumstances.

Our joy needs to be fixed in an eternal being, our hope in something that will last longer than this corrupt world.

Take heart, for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.*

Lord, may I look beyond my circumstances and see the work you are doing.

The glimpses of hope as you mold individual's into your likeness.

The beauty of a sunset.

The tenderness of an encouraging word.

May the lost and sinful people be motivation to be spreading the gospel rapidly. 

Lord, may we see you at work in the midst of this chaotic world. 

*1 Corinthians 4:17

benefits of real community

So as I mentioned earlier this week, I was gone at a retreat last weekend, and boy it was crazy awesome.

I had never felt such a strong and close Christian community within our youth group than I did last weekend. 

There are so many benefits to real and raw Christian community that I wanted to share.

The thing is, having true Christian community isn't always an easy thing and every since I've been in youth group, this closeness had not yet occurred until last weekend. The closeness must occur as a result of God opening the hearts of those present and a bonded trust with the other people in the group. Everyone has to be willing to open themselves in a vulnerable way which means that a trust must be created through the people in this community. 

1. Community encourages you to become more like Jesus.

In Hebrews 3 we are called to encourage one another as long as it is called today. One of the best ways to be encouraged is through a community of believers that reflect Christ. Seeing other people seeking to honor Christ with their lives is encouraging in a world where self is put above all else.  

(Hebrews 3:13) 

2. Community reveals your gifts and talents

This weekend as we took the three hour drive home, we went around and initially were going to highlight each of the individual's personal talents. It turned into highlighting the things we admired in each person and it turned into a complimenting fest. Each individual has a place in the body of Christ and it is important to know that you are significant to the community of believers. 

(1 Corinthians 12:12) 

3. Community helps meet our need for love

Even though Christ can only fulfill our deepest need for love, God gives us the gift of loving one another. The brotherly love (phileo) we show to other people is a representation of Christ who was the greatest friend who laid down His life for us. We are called to love one another in this beautiful way to once again be a reflection of Christ.    

(John 11:35-36)

4. Community teaches you forgive and to work through conflicts

 Yes, community is wonderful and full of love, however, this world isn't perfect and we are on a journey to becoming more like Christ. When you are with a mix of different types of people with different personalities who love each other deeply, hurt and misunderstandings are going to occur. Even though this is a hard part of community, it makes us more like Him, which is the ultimate goal in the first place anyways. 

We are called to be an united Body and this concept is not always a natural tendency. This causes us to have to lay down our pride and become humble and it enhances our communication skills. Christ uses the hard elements of situations to teach and grow us. 

(1 Cor. 1:10 and 1 Peter 4:8-11) 

This has been a journey to real community in my youth group, and I've been praying for something like this for nearly four years. I might write more about that in a future blog post since my youth group has been a huge mess of change, with the youth leaders changing, assistants changing and the individuals in the youth group changing. (And by that I mean that a lot of kids moved and new ones started attending our church) It was hard because every time I thought we made progress in becoming closer, we would have an issue with kids respecting the leaders or maybe the leaders being too competitive.
So the fact is, our youth group has come a long way in creating vulnerable, Christian community.



How have you been influenced by Christian community? 

from my selfish heart

Oh, my heart is so heavy at times and my emotions start to take over. 

The jealously in my heart just comes out in words and actions that I don't always mean. 

I crave attention from a group of friends that will accept me. 

I get jealous of those who try to take my spot in the group of friends and of those who appear to get more attention than myself.

When such and such is talking to my friend instead of me, I become upset. 

I want everything to be about me and I want everything to make me happy.

Why can't I see that I am already blessed for the friendships I have with these people?

Why can't I be happy for those that are being cherished by my friends instead of wondering why I'm not in their position?

Why can't I be happy for others instead of being so focused on myself?

I have so far to grow, to become more loving and more understanding.
To become less self focused, less jealous and less selfish.
And I need God's strength to put his love flow from my heart even when my emotions want to take over.
Lord, may my heart say, Your face, Lord, I will seek.*
May my heart look to Him, even when my emotions are pushing me to selfishness.


Lord, thank you for being a merciful God to a selfish mortal such as I. 

*adapted from Psalm 27:8  

all we need

oh how my heart breaks when I think about it.

The things he deals with are all things that could easily be fulfilled by God.

Counseling, escaping through various means, all of these things pale in comparison to the freedom found in Christ.

How he needs Jesus ❤

Lord, I pray you will bring him closer to Yourself.

I know you have a plan through all of it, but it is hard to see someone you've known for so long crumble to pieces.

The hidden secrets behind his cheerful face. 

The falseness of his actions and his double personality.

Lord, can't he see he needs You?
Can't he see that the choices he are making are deceiving, degenerating and incredibly destructive? 

Lord, I am so thankful for the way you have captured me with Your love and have grown me closer to Yourself. Thank you for showing me the way you want me to live in my life that is in accordance with your Word. I am thankful that you have put the desire in my heart to continue to seek You daily. That is something that does not come from myself. 

Thank you for your amazing grace and the way You fulfill me so I do not need to look anywhere else for satisfaction.  

Thank you for being all I need. 

Isaiah 55:9: "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." 

to think of Him

To think  of Him who dwells in the highest place is unfathomable.

The Lord that is good to all, slow to anger and rich in love is the same Savior that holds us in His hands, every single day.
To think that we have the ability to have a relationship with the God whose greatness no one can fathom.

"Lord, what are human beings that you care for them, mere mortals that you think of them?" 1 

He is the God that is our fortress and our deliver: a shield and a place of refuge.

It is He that deserves our everlasting praise.

Even his own creation shows the glory of your kingdom and they tell of his might.

Who is it that consults God, or teaches him the right way?

Who shows him the path of understanding?

The nations to God are regarded as dust on the scales, and he weighs the islands as if they were pure dust.

His understanding no one on earth can ever fathom and he sees the people of the earth from above as grasshoppers. 2 

Oh, what an amazing God we serve. 

1: Psalm 144:3

2: Isaiah 40

i need to grow

I have so many areas in my life where I need growing.

I need to think of myself less and focus more on what God wants. When I start to make my world revolve around my own desires, I end up in a icky mess.

Here's the thing, recently I just feel like I've been short with my siblings and just an inconsiderate jerk. 

Why and what has my thinking and attitude come to? Sometimes I just think about my view on things, and I think how corrupt it is.

The things I think about in my mind about other people isn't always too nice either.

I become angry inside towards people and bitterness grows inside. 

When I've been trying to read my Bible, I feel like it's become a to-do list. And when I actually do read it, sure I read it, but I feel like I'm not really applying it to my life. It's like I have short term memory loss even though I try really hard to focus more of my thoughts on Jesus Christ. 

When I pray, I pray with a sincere heart...but then I start thinking things like, I'm such a good person for doing this.

WHY WHY WHY.

Why must I have such a sinful nature?

Why do we live in a world with so many temptations?

Why is there so much junk and commercialism in this world, and why is it so "me" centered?

I just saw a commercial today that said, happy "thanksgetting".

I'm kinda just so frustrated with how much sin is around us. 

  How much sin is in my thinking is very alarming to be honest.

It's just when I try to do something honestly and purely and then I have a selfish motive behind it. 

I think sometimes maybe I'm living a double life when I'm not always nice to my siblings but then I'm always pleasant around visitors.

At this point, I am so thankful for God's grace in my life and the amount he has grown me so far.

When I start to believe that it's for my own gain and that being a good person is so that I can look good...it's the wrong approach. 

I think I need to start saying, "Lord, how do you want me to grow so that my actions are pointing back to you? 

It's always easier said than done though. It's a daily struggle to die to our selfish desires.  

How can I grow so that my life will be so joyful that I will want everyone to know Christ and see him through my good actions? 

We all struggle with thoughts like this, and so I hope by posting this I will encourage you that you are not alone. Pursuing Christ and dealing with the world's influences is not easy. 

Listen to the Holy Spirit, not your own wisdom.

Ask a few friends to come into your life and encourage you, even when your thoughts are overwhelming. Christ put people in our lives so that we can have joy in community and he can use others to grow us closer to Himself. When we start to put ourselves in isolation and separate ourselves, that's when we dig ourselves into a huge pit. 

Press on and continue to pursue Him and ask in prayer that He will grow you more into the person He wants you to be so that HE will be glorified. When it's just for our own selfish ambitions, our prayers won't be answered. 

A life dedicated to him

So many times in my own life, I realize that I'm living for my own kingdom and what I want. I'm thinking about what I should say to a certain person and the way I think I should act.
I want my life to become more of a thought pattern lining up with Christ, every thought being taken captive and saying, "how can I glorify God through this?"

Romans 6:13 says, "Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness."

I have been so messed up because I haven't been seeking Christ like I should this week. I've been treating people less than they should be, have been focusing more on my self, and let ungodly thinking creep into my mind.
When we are seeking Him in his word, we will be less prone to sin because we will know what Christ wants us to do.
I can tell it in my own life; when I go a few days without reading from his word, or if there are times when I'm bored, I start to have more temptations than if I am dwelling on His word. It's' interesting how he uses sin and temptations to grow us closer to Himself.
Even in the emotional times of life, or maybe moments when you don't feel like reading your Bible, train yourself to get into a routine of reading it. His words are the only thing that are definite, not based on emotions.  When you don't let your emotions sway you into not seeking Christ, you will be thankful for it. You will be thankful that even though Satan may have been encouraging you to just focus on other things and not His word, and you really didn't feel like doing it, that Christ gave you the strength to push through.
I want to be known as that person who loves other people because of the love from Christ inside of her. I want to be the person that people know is not perfect, but because of Christ's grace in her life, is able to move past sin. I want to be the person that lived their life for Christ, a life fully dedicated to Him, pouring out my own life into others.
The only way that is going to happen is if I am pursuing Christ and His word, being willing to surrender everything to him.
There will always be times, more so than not I believe, where we don't feel like pursuing Christ. We can't let our emotions determine whether or not we are going to obey God and read from his word today.

<<Emotions shouldn't dictate how we live our life, for they are fleeting.>>

a brand new life

mine 

So I've been reading in 1 Peter a little bit recently, and I came across the translation of the Bible called the Message.

I'm still not sure how I feel about it yet since it kinda reminds me of a children's translation. 

However, it does help me understand those confusing parts of the Bible a lot more. 

1 Peter 1:3-7 says, "What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you’ll have it all—life healed and whole. I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory." 

Seriously, how encouraging is this? First of all, it is a reminder of how grateful we should be to have the mercy of God in our lives. That is a reason to live a joy filled life, as a response for everything Christ has given us. Even though the message of the gospel has been repeated over and over again, we quickly forget the meaning of the words.
Secondly, we've been given a brand new life because of Christ...and that brand new life starts now. Not when we are grown up and adults, but right now as teenagers and young adults. We are put where we are for a purpose, and we can use our lives right now to further the kingdom of God.
That brand new life in Christ isn't always going to be easy, and I think that's why Peter included the part about how we will have to put up with aggravations. He tells us we can look forward to eternity with him where everything will be perfect, if you have put your faith and trust in him as your Savior. You can have certainty for what happens after death. Sin is a part of our nature, and we will go through trials, but that is what makes our faith stronger.
Suffering is what makes our faith strong and genuine. In the end, it's not our works that are accounted for, it is our faith in Jesus Christ. Our faith in Him is the only thing that saves us.
I'm so thankful for his grace and mercy, and for his love in allowing us to have hope for a future with Him.



p.s. i'm desperately in need of a new design, any tips on where to get quick, free designs? I don't want to spend money on one until I have more readers. This design just doesn't seem unique to me, or fit my blog the way I want it to, and I didn't save a copy of the old design :/

In His hands

How often do we fall into the mindset and forget that God's plans for our lives, they are higher than our own dreams and plans?

What we may think at the moment would be perfect for our lives, God could be keeping that back from us because he has something better in mind. 

For me, sometimes my dreams and what I want to happen, those become idols in my life. 

Lauren Diagle's song, First, is one of my favorites because of how beautiful of a reminder it is for me.

"more than anything I want, I want you first."

It really pierces right at the heart.

Do I really want God first, before everything else that I really want in life?

Frankly for me, if I'm honest, it's not true. 

For so many people, God's plans for us seem so unclear. We pray. We hope. We read God's word. But we don't seem to get a clear answer. 

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing you to move

When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through 

When You don't give me the answers as I cry out to You

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you!

Romans 8:28 is a so familiar verse for many people, but how encouraging it is.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

Today specifically for me, there was a moment when I realized I needed to give my dreams over to God, especially for my future. His plans and what he wants me to do, I want that to be more important than what I want to do. It's not easy because what I want right now seems beautiful and a good option. However, God sees the path of my entire life, and His wisdom will lead me to his perfect plan for me.

He is doing the same for you if you are a child of Him ♥

Learning From Disappointment Pt. 2

If you want to read the first post that I ever wrote about disappointments, please click here.

Since disappointments are often times a large amount of our lives, I wanted to touch on the subject again. 

The other day, I was sorely disappointed when something I wanted to do, was not approved by my parents. I wanted to hang out at one of my friend's house with a few other people, but no one's parent's were going to be present. The way that I view the situation and the way my parent's viewed it, it's different. At first, I didn't want to respect their position, since they don't know the kids well enough. There was the temptation to become angry, to think they were being too strict and overprotective, unreasonable perhaps. The thing is, I rarely don't agree with my parent's viewpoint, and they are usually so flexible and loving to me, letting me do what I want. I needed to understand they weren't doing it just to make my life miserable, in fact, I believe it was out of love.

God must have been using my parent's decision that went against what I wanted, to teach me a lesson. Not only that I must obey my parent's decision when I don't agree, I also learned:

• Friendships aren't the all and all. We aren't living for the time we spend time with friends. 

I had already spent a whole evening with these friends the night before, and I wasn't thinking about how blessed I already was to have spent time with them the day before. My mindset was not correct, I was letting these friendships become part of what I thought was the most important thing in my life at that moment.

So even though I was sorely disappointed, I realized God was teaching me something. He was teaching me to treasure Him and to not let a single disappointment rock my world. 

We need to learn to react to respond to disappointments in a healthy way and learn lessons from the situation. 

The mindset I was having of hanging out with my friends was one of selfishness. It kind of helped me, and taught me, to have the right mindset in regards to those friendships. 

For me, I am still learning through the pain and trials, that disappointments can often grow us into stronger people.

It can be really hard to let go of your disappointments, and to surrender them to the One who has everything planned out.
When things don't go the way I had imagined sometimes I tend to be disappointed...and sometimes it just seems impossible to let go of those disappointments and unrealistic expectations. It's something that God is working on in my life.

Disappointments are never our fault, but I'm glad that God uses the hard things in our lives to grow us into more of the person he wants us to be. 

Sometimes our hopes and expecations are crushed. I'm thankful to have a God who, 

"is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit." Psalm 30:5

There is nothing more than God's love, and there's nothing sweeter on this earth. In the midst of my disappointments, I'm glad I could lean on my rock, my salvation. 

thinking about consequences

I'm currently in the middle of reading an awesome book. 

It's called "Shades of Blue" by Karen Kingsbury.

And it was such a thought provoking book, so I thought I would share my thoughts about the subject covered. 

How often do we go into something, not being able, or not willing, to see the consequences that will come along with our choices? 

Choosing to have a child before they were married, for two of the characters, ended with a lot of consequences.  

Looking back at the decision they made, they wish they could have changed what they did. 

If they had decided to wait, resist the urge to go too far, then their relationship would not have been torn apart.

After they had made the decision to do this, they both had a sinking feeling in their stomach. 

they knew that they had sinned, but they didn't turn away from their unhealthy decision.

How often is this the case in our own lives? We know we are sinning, but we are not willing to give it up. We think "it can't be that bad". 

We are entrapped in our sin. There is no better feeling in the world then when we know we have been forgiven of our sin and are no longer trapped inside of it. 

They continued to do something that the Bible states was created for within marriage. It is sacred, and the consequences shown in the book are a clear representation of why it is intended for marriage.

It torn apart their relationship. Even though they loved each other, this ruined the relationship they had spent so much time to create. Nothing would ever be the same again. (If you read the book, this is developed more, but I don't want to give away spoilers)

Brad, the main character, wanted things to go back the way they were. 

Things were never the same, because their relationship was now based on lust, and they were caught in a whirlwind of sin. 

Ultimately because Brad wanted everything to go back to the way it was before things happened, it ultimately cost a child their life. 

Even though they tried to mend the relationship, it eventually ended because of guilt and many other variables mentioned in the book. 

There's more to the book than this, but this is what I want to focus on today.

We may not think about what the consequences are going to be for our sin. It could be a lack of knowledge that we are sinning in the first place. This book helped open my eyes to the fact that there is always more to our sin than what we see immediately. 

I also came to the realization God still forgives us of even the most significant sins, the ones that hurt us and other people. He is a God of never ending mercy and grace. (That doesn't mean we keep sinning so that grace increases though. When we want to please God, we won't be wanting to sin.) 

Often we don't think about our choices, what may happen if we choose to disobey God, a law, or something our parent's told us.

Often times, people think back at decisions they made and say "If only I could go back and change my decision, knowing what I know now."

It's very cliche, I know. 

When we aren't careful, we can fall into sin. That is why we must spend time "watching and praying so that we will not fall into temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."