Some of you may know me in person, but most of you don't.
But if I were to tell you that my life was perfect and that I want to serve Jesus and love Him every second of everyday, I would be lying...seriously lying. And the people that know me in real life would agree with me.
There's one thing that I've been struggling with SO much lately, and putting it into words helps me pinpoint what exactly is going on.
The truth is, I have been feeling horrible about my appearance lately. My face has broken out with a lot of acne (like not just little ones...big ones). It's not normally me to be unsatisfactory with my appearance, and usually I just go with it because I know it's not always about the outward appearance. A few days I've expressed my discontent with a few of my friends, and I just get "stop saying it, you look fine." I know it sounds very cliche and childish, but I hate the way my face and hair have turned out recently. I haven't had time to do my hair the way I want because I want more sleep.
I've just felt so unworthy, even though I try so hard to fill my mind with truths from God's word.
The result of this has been feeling like people don't really want to be my friend and just wishing I could look like everyone else. It's rough because I don't usually feel this way (I used to, but then God taught me a lot about myself through that).
I have also felt a distance from God lately...that He's so huge and unfathomable...how can he have a relationship with us where we can truly sense his presence?
And this is what I have learned by praying about it and talking to a few other people:
There's always going to be people in life who look down on you, and that's just life. Trying to please people is such a waste of time because you can never find fulfillment in that. Girls in today's society constantly try to compete and strive to be the best.
Someone recently told me:
"And that's not you. You've never been the one to try and be better than someone else. You are yourself. You are perfect the way you are."
The reality is, sometimes I do want to please society.
But the reality is also that acne is part of life.
And the most important reality is that my distance from Christ has been a result of me trying to fit in and be someone that I'm not.
And when my friend pointed it out, I realized it was true. That is exactly why. Isn't it amazing how God gives people the right words at the right moment?
Of course, however, the story of our lives isn't that easy.
I have felt like there has been a distance from Christ for awhile. There was a period of time where I confessed a lot of sins and there was a period where I could finally feel like I had come out of the woods (or something figuratively like that).
It's been hard because I've yearned for His presence and it's not there, and I told my friend that I feel like nothing will happen even though I will make changes and not try to fit in anymore...because that's what seemed to happen before.
And here's the question my friend asked me:
"What if nothing happens? Will you pick up again and try to fit in again? He's going to use your strength and courage in his timing. So what's a little waiting compared to a life of never being happy with yourself?"
It's so true.
So right now, I'm realizing that I should not be trying to fit in. That's not always as easy as it sounds, to be honest. Because random times I get this yearning to be accepted by other people at school.
It usually comes when I feel bad about myself too.
James 1:13-14 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desires, he is dragged away and enticed.
But that's when I have to be SO strong in who I am in Christ that trying to fit in seems so unappealing compared to being fulfilled in Christ.
Because it's so easy to get caught up in the world that seems to promise fulfillment, and it's awfully convincing sometimes. And that's how Satan tries to pull us away from Christ.
And I think that's exactly what Satan has been trying to do to me.
How sad I am that I've let this happen is backed up by joy and encouragement, because Satan takes those who are true believers in Christ because he doesn't want them to be a light to other people.
So I guess that means that I've been somewhat of a light, and that because of the temptations and trials I'm going through, Christ is just trying to strengthen my relationship with Him.
Because since when do people just randomly have a super sturdy relationship with Christ? They usually have to go through different things to bring them to that point. Just saying you trust in Christ is different than knowing that He is all you have.
Praise the Lord for the work He has been doing in my life!
2 Corinthians 2:11 says, "...in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes."
We know that Satan's schemes can either bring us closer to the Lord or we can drift farther apart from Him.
And I think that God works in our lives in amazing ways...that we can't even begin to comprehend.
There's one thing that I've been struggling with SO much lately, and putting it into words helps me pinpoint what exactly is going on.
The truth is, I have been feeling horrible about my appearance lately. My face has broken out with a lot of acne (like not just little ones...big ones). It's not normally me to be unsatisfactory with my appearance, and usually I just go with it because I know it's not always about the outward appearance. A few days I've expressed my discontent with a few of my friends, and I just get "stop saying it, you look fine." I know it sounds very cliche and childish, but I hate the way my face and hair have turned out recently. I haven't had time to do my hair the way I want because I want more sleep.
I've just felt so unworthy, even though I try so hard to fill my mind with truths from God's word.
The result of this has been feeling like people don't really want to be my friend and just wishing I could look like everyone else. It's rough because I don't usually feel this way (I used to, but then God taught me a lot about myself through that).
I have also felt a distance from God lately...that He's so huge and unfathomable...how can he have a relationship with us where we can truly sense his presence?
And this is what I have learned by praying about it and talking to a few other people:
There's always going to be people in life who look down on you, and that's just life. Trying to please people is such a waste of time because you can never find fulfillment in that. Girls in today's society constantly try to compete and strive to be the best.
Someone recently told me:
"And that's not you. You've never been the one to try and be better than someone else. You are yourself. You are perfect the way you are."
The reality is, sometimes I do want to please society.
But the reality is also that acne is part of life.
And the most important reality is that my distance from Christ has been a result of me trying to fit in and be someone that I'm not.
And when my friend pointed it out, I realized it was true. That is exactly why. Isn't it amazing how God gives people the right words at the right moment?
Of course, however, the story of our lives isn't that easy.
I have felt like there has been a distance from Christ for awhile. There was a period of time where I confessed a lot of sins and there was a period where I could finally feel like I had come out of the woods (or something figuratively like that).
It's been hard because I've yearned for His presence and it's not there, and I told my friend that I feel like nothing will happen even though I will make changes and not try to fit in anymore...because that's what seemed to happen before.
And here's the question my friend asked me:
"What if nothing happens? Will you pick up again and try to fit in again? He's going to use your strength and courage in his timing. So what's a little waiting compared to a life of never being happy with yourself?"
It's so true.
So right now, I'm realizing that I should not be trying to fit in. That's not always as easy as it sounds, to be honest. Because random times I get this yearning to be accepted by other people at school.
It usually comes when I feel bad about myself too.
James 1:13-14 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desires, he is dragged away and enticed.
But that's when I have to be SO strong in who I am in Christ that trying to fit in seems so unappealing compared to being fulfilled in Christ.
Because it's so easy to get caught up in the world that seems to promise fulfillment, and it's awfully convincing sometimes. And that's how Satan tries to pull us away from Christ.
And I think that's exactly what Satan has been trying to do to me.
How sad I am that I've let this happen is backed up by joy and encouragement, because Satan takes those who are true believers in Christ because he doesn't want them to be a light to other people.
So I guess that means that I've been somewhat of a light, and that because of the temptations and trials I'm going through, Christ is just trying to strengthen my relationship with Him.
Because since when do people just randomly have a super sturdy relationship with Christ? They usually have to go through different things to bring them to that point. Just saying you trust in Christ is different than knowing that He is all you have.
Praise the Lord for the work He has been doing in my life!
2 Corinthians 2:11 says, "...in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes."
We know that Satan's schemes can either bring us closer to the Lord or we can drift farther apart from Him.
And I think that God works in our lives in amazing ways...that we can't even begin to comprehend.
wow...I am speechless. Thank you for this amazing, amazing post, Lauren <3
ReplyDeleteLauren. Your writing. This post. God.
ReplyDeleteOh man.
Too true. <3
The thing about human beings is that we can't not care about pleasing society and our own appearance. I reckon one of our ultimate goals, however, is just to not care and have faith in something larger than our small world, and you're doing an amazing job at that. When it comes to acne, my best tip would be to find some really good quality mineral foundation.
ReplyDelete-M
The Life of Little Me
Lauren, this is so beautiful. I so appreciate your honesty, because I can relate so, so much.
ReplyDeleteI know it sounds cliche, but go read Psalm 139. All of it. It moves me so much, especially on those dreary days where...you said it, acne is a reality and so is the desire to fit in.
This post is so perfect. Thank you for posting. <3
It's so hard-- so so darn hard to not to try to please society, setting up these expectations that are just unbelievably hard to reach. Acne isn't a struggle for me (if you do have acne problems, it's normal; but if you want to reduce it, just wash your face twice a day and don't touch it if your hands aren't clean) but my height is, and lucky for you, acne is something that can go away. :)
ReplyDeletexoxo Morning
Yeah, those times suck. I think I have a good self-esteem, but sometimes insecurities push through and I question whether or not it's easier to just fit in. It's hard, and you've resisted that temptation because your faith in God is strong (I was impressed, and I'm not a Christian!). Well done, and great post :)
ReplyDeleteThis is so relatable, because recently I had super bad acne breakouts, and it was terrible. After trying practically everything there is to try (mostly I tried a bunch of "natural" things), I have finally gotten it wayyyyy better. Now I'm just dealing with the bad scars they left.....
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I felt the same way as you do. I already have bad self confidence issues, so having acne.... just made everything so much worse! I felt like I was the only one in the world dealing with it!!! But the truth is, which you already stated, acne is a part of life! And it goes away, which is the good news. :D
~Samantha