I have so many areas in my life where I need growing.
I need to think of myself less and focus more on what God wants. When I start to make my world revolve around my own desires, I end up in a icky mess.
Here's the thing, recently I just feel like I've been short with my siblings and just an inconsiderate jerk.
Why and what has my thinking and attitude come to? Sometimes I just think about my view on things, and I think how corrupt it is.
The things I think about in my mind about other people isn't always too nice either.
I become angry inside towards people and bitterness grows inside.
When I've been trying to read my Bible, I feel like it's become a to-do list. And when I actually do read it, sure I read it, but I feel like I'm not really applying it to my life. It's like I have short term memory loss even though I try really hard to focus more of my thoughts on Jesus Christ.
When I pray, I pray with a sincere heart...but then I start thinking things like, I'm such a good person for doing this.
WHY WHY WHY.
Why must I have such a sinful nature?
Why do we live in a world with so many temptations?
Why is there so much junk and commercialism in this world, and why is it so "me" centered?
I just saw a commercial today that said, happy "thanksgetting".
I'm kinda just so frustrated with how much sin is around us.
How much sin is in my thinking is very alarming to be honest.
It's just when I try to do something honestly and purely and then I have a selfish motive behind it.
I think sometimes maybe I'm living a double life when I'm not always nice to my siblings but then I'm always pleasant around visitors.
At this point, I am so thankful for God's grace in my life and the amount he has grown me so far.
When I start to believe that it's for my own gain and that being a good person is so that I can look good...it's the wrong approach.
I think I need to start saying, "Lord, how do you want me to grow so that my actions are pointing back to you?
It's always easier said than done though. It's a daily struggle to die to our selfish desires.
How can I grow so that my life will be so joyful that I will want everyone to know Christ and see him through my good actions?
We all struggle with thoughts like this, and so I hope by posting this I will encourage you that you are not alone. Pursuing Christ and dealing with the world's influences is not easy.
Listen to the Holy Spirit, not your own wisdom.
Ask a few friends to come into your life and encourage you, even when your thoughts are overwhelming. Christ put people in our lives so that we can have joy in community and he can use others to grow us closer to Himself. When we start to put ourselves in isolation and separate ourselves, that's when we dig ourselves into a huge pit.
Press on and continue to pursue Him and ask in prayer that He will grow you more into the person He wants you to be so that HE will be glorified. When it's just for our own selfish ambitions, our prayers won't be answered.
I needed this. :-) This is a lot of what I'm going through lately--including, unfortunately, the anger and being short and an inconsiderate jerk to my siblings. You're right--it is a daily thing, this dying to self. And it is HARD.
ReplyDeleteBut thank God we have more chances than one because I've blown it more times than I can count.
Still, I find myself saying in the night:
"But as for me, I will look to the LORD;
I will wait for the God of my salvation;
my God will hear me.
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy;
when I fall, I shall rise;
when I sit in darkness,
the LORD will be a light to me."
(Micah 7:7-8
Dying to ourselves is so hard, I'm pretty sure there's many days where selfishness takes over. And I'm so thankful that he is a merciful God and that he forgets all of our transgressions.
DeleteThis is great. I definitely struggle with those things too. Like when I think about the seemingly "good" things I do, which I can only do because of sheer grace, it puffs me up in a sinful way. And then I'm reminded of how very sinful I am. But I still do it over and over again! And then time and again, I have to run back to the cross, not by my strength, but His alone.
ReplyDeleteJust tagged you in (another!) post on my blog :)) Feel free to check it out!
ReplyDeleteThis is so good, and something that I've felt often as well. One thing that I've found to really help me is to do something to help someone else. I went on a mission trip to a children's home in Mexico a couple years ago, and it honestly changed my perspective so much. I have had much less struggle with silly thoughts and everything since then. Not saying that I don't struggle with it anymore, but definitely much less....
ReplyDeleteAwesome post. I struggle with so many of the things you mentioned, but I think what makes this Christian journey even better is that we have to recognise that through our weakness He is strong. Depending on Him to change us from the inside out is so difficult, but it's worth it <3 Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLAUREN. Yes, I totally get this. Lately I've been catching myself in the moment and saying, "No, this is not who God is creating me to be." And with that thought, I see that I'm more self-centered than with my eyes on God. So I adjust it -- though it is incredibly hard. But definitely what needs to be done and totally worth it to do.
ReplyDelete"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is with there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work within me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from the body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:21-25)
ReplyDeleteOh how I feel what you are saying! Anyone who doesn't struggle with this is not trying. Even Paul struggled with these things! Romans 7 and 8 are great places to go when we are struggling like this.
Thank-you for being vulnerable and encouraging Lauren!
Beautiful post and you are so real with what you write. Thanks for sharing your heart! I have felt this way recently too. Thanks so much!
ReplyDeleteI just tagged you over at my blog:)
ReplyDeletehttp://totallygraced.blogspot.com/2015/11/happy-thanksgiving-gratitude-tag.html
This was encouraging Lauren! I often get discouraged with the knowledge that I have so much growing to do--and always will! I'll never be fully mature. But then I have to show myself the positive side. At least I am growing rather than standing still or sliding backwards!
ReplyDeleteI see someone else already quoted Romans--I had been thinking of that too. Thanks for sharing!